What Does the Bible Say About Marriage? Submission, Love and Covenant

The most quoted and most misquoted passage on marriage is Ephesians 5. The trouble almost always comes from where people start reading.

Marriage begins in Genesis

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Jesus quotes it in Matthew 19:5; Paul quotes it in Ephesians 5:31.

Three actions: leave, cleave, become one. The order matters — the leaving comes before anything new can be built.

The verse people start at, and the one before it

The familiar line is 5:22: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands."

But the verse before it is 5:21: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." In the Greek, 5:22 has no verb of its own — it borrows "submitting" from verse 21. Which means the instruction to wives grows out of a general principle of mutual submission; it is an example, not a free-standing command.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.Ephesians 5:21 (KJV)

The husband's half is longer

The proportions are worth counting: three verses to wives (5:22-24), nine to husbands (5:25-33).

And what is asked is not symmetrical. Wives are told to submit; husbands are told to "love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (5:25). That standard is not about making decisions. It is about giving yourself up.

Four positions scripture holds

1. Marriage is a covenant, not merely a contract. Malachi 2:14 calls a spouse "the wife of thy covenant".

2. Sex belongs inside it. Hebrews 13:4 is direct about this. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 is unusual for its time in making the obligation mutual.

3. Divorce is permitted but never encouraged. Jesus says it was allowed "because of the hardness of your hearts" (Matthew 19:8). He names one exception; Paul adds the case of an unbelieving spouse who leaves (1 Cor 7:15).

4. Being single is not second class. Paul was single and calls it a gift in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8. Scripture never treats marriage as a requirement for a complete life.

The most practical passage

If you keep one, keep 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 — the wedding reading. Substitute your own name for "charity" and read it aloud; it stops sounding like sentiment and starts sounding like a checklist.

Read from Ephesians 5:21 to the end of the chapter in the BiblePro app, in one sitting, before deciding what it says. And do look for a local church to read alongside others.